The Heaviest Element Yet, Just Discovered:

Research has led to the discovery of the heaviest
element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has
one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called
morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second to take from four days to four years to complete.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 to 6 years; It
does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons
exchange places. In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, formingu isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists
to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.
When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes
Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as
Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.